Texas Lowry's

In case you didn't know, I have a pretty large family, 3 brothers and 2 sisters.  We are pretty lucky that we also have a family business that has kept most of us close together over the years with only my oldest brother, John, moving outside of California.  When I told everyone what was going on John talked privately with my parents and told them he needed to come out and see me before the surgery. 

John rearranged his schedule so that he could have almost a day with me.  He showed up on Tuesday afternoon and left early Wednesday morning so that he could fly out to his next meeting.  There isn't anything that can change having cancer but the people around you can make it a lot less frightening.  Having John  do all of this made me so grateful to have him as my big brother.  There is just something about a big brothers hug that helps make things better.

We didn't do anything for those few hours, just spent time together and talked.  John has always been a good sounding board for me and having him there helped me to find comfort before heading into surgery.  With the help of my dad, brother-in-law Ryan, and John they gave me a blessing prior to the surgery too.   

I think one of the truths I have learned throughout the past few weeks is that there is an entire different level of unconditional love that I had yet to understand.  My family has always been close knit.  In fact I have yet to meet another family quite like mine.  It is something I have always cherished and felt lucky to have been born into.  It is something I have tried to replicate in Scott and my little family.  I feel blessed beyond words for the love and support that my parents and siblings have given to me. 

When you are the odd man out like John, thousands of miles away, it is hard to not be here during times like this.  I understand that feeling of helplessness and the desire to do something for someone you love.  Yesterday John and JoAnn with Tyler and Brinley sent me this picture...

underneath they wrote "TX Lowry's Unite". 

 Near or far, we are always TOOOOOOOOOGETTTTTHHHHHHERRRRRR and Lowry strong. 

small bumps in the road

They say that the 2nd and 3rd day of recovery after a major surgery is the worst and I would agree that is a true statement.  The first day out of the hospital you are still hopped up on the "good stuff" and blissfully unaware of the hurt coming your way.  I slept like a baby and didn't feel a thing the first night.   But by the next morning I had entered a different dimension of feelings. 

Scotty and I requested something a little bit stronger from my surgeon during our post op meeting and figured that was all I would need to be back on the road to recovery again.  After the first dose it seemed great, pain was less and it wasn't making me drowsy.  However, by that evening I was starting to get itchy.  It started at the back of my arms, right on top of my triceps.  It is seriously the only location I can't move my arms high enough to reach to scratch so I was getting pretty annoyed.  The itchy feeling moved from my arms over to my neck, down my stomach below all the bandages and wrapped around to my back. 

There was a lot of iodine on my body from the surgeries.  My arms, neck, back and belly were covered in it.  I am not allowed to get anything wet so I haven't tried to do a sponge bath because I am freaked out about causing anything to take longer to heal.  Yet the itching made me think it must be from the iodine.  Last night I had Scott help me use baby wipes to remove as much of the iodine as I could.  Once we were done I took my last set of meds before bed and was certain all would be well in the morning.

Everything was not well in the morning.  When Scott woke me up for my meds around 4 I was scratching my skin so hard in my sleep that I had cut my skin on my neck.  My prediction of it being from the iodine was obviously incorrect and since the only thing we had changed was the new pain medication, it was evident that I was allergic to it.

Not a great picture but my entire body is covered in these small raised red bumps.  The nurse switched my pain meds and I added another pill for the allergic reaction. 

My older sister, Deni, and her family came over this morning to see me.  Since I told my family about my diagnosis my sister Deni has gone into full war commander mode.  She basically took over the remainder of the moving that needed to take place in our old home, set up a command center at my parents house, and started a schedule for people to help with my kids.  Let's just say you do not want to mess with Deni, she's awesome, and a little scary!

While she was here my mom and her helped me take a bath.  I already mentioned that how nervous I was about getting anything wet so they devised a way to ensure no water would get on me. 

They wrapped me in 4 extra large beach towels from Costco, then cut an opening out of the bottom of a 55 gallon black garbage bag and duct taped it around my neck so that no water could get through.  I looked homeless but afterwards I felt amazing.  They were able to wash my hair (I can't even fully brush it yet), blow dry it, and help me wash all the iodine off my body.  It was like heaven.    Plus they helped me change my clothes.  I haven't been able to do that yet because it hurt so bad to move everything.  I feel like a whole new woman, with no boobs!

Surgery update on my killer boobs

The surgery went well yesterday.  In honor of this special day I had my buddy Mike make me some shirts to commemorate it.  Going into the hospital my shirt said, "I have killer boobs",  When I was released to come home I changed into a shirt that said, "I HAD killer boobs". At times like this humor is much needed.

First up was the sentinel node biopsy.  This might have been the most painful thing I have ever had done.  During that procedure I got four shots around my nipple that inject radioactive blue dye into my lymph system.  It then travels though my body to find the lymph nodes that are either blocking the cancer from spreading, OR, are already infected and spreading.  The shots were pretty intense because you aren't allowed to have any numbing to lessen the pain.  Once inside the surgery room and under anesthetic they take a device like a stud finder to locate the nodes that are infected.  Two nodes lit up so those two were removed and will be sent off to the lab.   

Next up they started on the mastectomies.  My left breast is the one that is filled with tumors.  When this surgery is done they try to get a certain amount of clean margins.  Unfortunately the mass that I was able to feel and see was very close to the skin.  This means that we might not have been able to get clean margins.  So we wait to see what the pathology reports say.  IF they find that the margins were not clean I will need radiation.  This is the same if my nodes came back positive. 

I decided to an immediate reconstruction so my plastic surgeon installed the expanders inside my breast.  In order for the expanders to stay in place they used a piece of cadaver tissue to hold them in position.  So not only do I have no breasts right now, I have dead skin in me.  I'm almost a zombie!

For now we are playing the waiting game to see what the doctors find after dissecting my breast tissue.  They say it takes 3-10 days.  I am praying for it to be closer to 3 than 10. 

One thing that was pretty crazy for how intense the surgery was is that I came home the same day.  My parents have been amazing.  The doctors and nurses recommended that I sleep in a recliner because it will help with the swelling and pain.  Scott and I have moved in with parents, not because of my diagnosis, but because we have been trying to move to Ripon.  As soon as my parents heard I needed to sleep in a recliner my dad left the hospital to buy me a recliner for my room.  It was so sweet!

Scott has been amazing through all of this.  He is my cheerleader, my muscle, and keeps me laughing when I want to cry.  I love him beyond words. 

Thank you to all of you that have sent me messages, texts, flowers, and other goodies.  I appreciate it.  I know this fight is going to be hard and I will need all the prayers and help I can get.    Keep your fingers crossed that the results come back quickly and pray that we get clear margins. 

I have cancer

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to write in my life.  The reality is that everything is going to change and with that knowledge a desire to cling to the sense of "normal" I have had for as long as I could.  However, the time is fast approaching and my new normal is set to begin tomorrow because surgery is scheduled....I have Breast Cancer.

I guess lets start with how this all happened.  Some may know this, others enjoy getting to know me on a more intimate level.  I found my fist lump at the age of 12 in my right breast.  There was never any reason to be concerned but doctors stressed the importance of self breast exams to me back then.  By the time I was 18 the original lump I had found 6 years prior was going to an uncomfortable size.  For a young woman with breast barley a size B, I was self conscious about the lump being noticeable, because it was.  So we did a lumpectomy and found out it was not one lump but five.  Thankfully all of them were benign.

Fast forward almost 20 years and I'm 37, still doing my own breast self exams (even though no doctor really stresses the importance of these anymore), and armed with the knowledge that I have lumpy breast and will always feel bumps...but in March a lump that I was confident had always been around started to change.  Let me specify that when doing self exams it is better to do it about a week after your period, so only once a month.  It was during that time I thought it felt different from what I remembered in February.  The concern lead me to check it the following week, and then the week after that.  The concern lead me to ask Scott (my husband) to come feel it (he's a man so of course he jumped at the chance to grope my breasts).  He agreed that yes it felt different so I made an appointment for Monday, April 6th.  The OB felt it, said next step was imagining, reminded me that 1 in 8 women get breast cancer now and sent me on my way. 

Deep down I think I knew it was going to be "something" so I went straight to radiology and asked for the first appointment available.  On Friday April 6th I had a mammogram and ultrasound done.  I didn't know this at the time but the Kaiser I was at is a Nationally Accredited Breast Cancer Center.  What that means is that the radiologist and all the technicians I was seeing that day are trained to see cancer.  After the mammogram I headed into another room for the ultrasound portion and a doctor came into the room.  The tech and the doctor started talking about stuff quietly and pointing at the screen discussing if they needed to turn on color, get different angles, remeasure sizes, etc. then stopped and the doctor asked me to sit up and cover myself.  He pulled up images on the computer and said he had no doubt that what we were looking at on the screen was Breast Cancer.  Honestly I don't know what else he said after that because I froze. 

I found out that day that it was cancer and that the lump I had felt was not alone, he had two friends that were hanging out in my breast with him.  On top of the three masses that were visible I had calcification that were visible throughout my entire breast.  The only question I could think of to ask was could they tell if it had spread and at the time my imaging wasn't showing it inside my lymph system.  He discussed next step, biopsy, and after that mastectomy due to the size of masses and amount of cancer. 

Monday the 9th I went back in for two biopsies.  On Thursday the 12th I got the call that yes they were both positive for cancer.  The irony is that the next appointment was Friday the 13th and that was when I got to learn the specifics of what I have.  Breast Cancer is an interesting beast, it is not uncommon, but each case is very unique.  For me it is really an estimate of what we think is going on inside me.  My tumors are graded at a 3, that means they are the most aggressive.  Of the three masses, my largest is over 2.4cm which is an inch or larger.  I have 3 different types of cancer inside my breast: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, and DCIS all over the breast.  They are estimating me to be at stage II, but they think it I might be closer to stage III.  My cancer is also HER-2 positive.  This is the most aggressive type Breast Cancer you can get, which is frightening, but thanks to Dr. Slamon and Genentech, there is an amazing drug that has been created to fight my specific type of cancer.

Tomorrow, April 25th, I will be undergoing a sentinel node biopsy to determine if the cancer has spread to my lymph system, followed immediately by a bi-lateral mastectomy (both boobs are outta here) and immediate reconstruction.  Once we get the pathology results back I will know more about what our next step will be, either radiation (if in my lymph system), or chemo and that will start about month after. 

Now everyone is up to speed!

If there is one thing I can ask of anyone that knows me and is reading this blog, please, please don't ask my kids questions about this.  The scariest part about being told I have cancer is that there is no way of shielding my children from the pain and fear they are going to have to endure as they watch me fight this.  I am going to try  as hard as I can to keep their life happy and normal, to be the mom I have tried to be from the first day I held Brody in my arms which is present, loving, funny, and most importantly, alive.

If you wondered why I titled my blog Biedermann Crew vs. Breast Cancer and not Alicia vs. Breast Cancer it is because  when you get cancer it effects so many more people than just the person that has the disease.  I'm new to the cancer clan but can attest to the fact that it might be harder on those around me than it is on me.  Scott, my parents, and siblings, and their spouses are going to need help.  I have no idea what that will be; a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a night out away from all the heavy stuff.  If you are able to do that for them I would appreciate it.  I am going to lean on them a lot in the coming year and it's a ripple effect.  You help them, they help me, everyone is better together! 

For now please just keep my little family in your prayers.  I feel selfish asking but I know that this is so much bigger than me and I am going to need all the help I can get.  If you want to get in touch it is easier to leave comments on here than texts, phone calls, facebook, email, etc.  I will do my best to respond to them and to keep the blog up dated.  And if you could still do self breast exams, it literally can save you life.