Bevie and Janet

Last week my dear friends Bevie and Janet came to visit me.  These two  split their time between California and Massachusetts and left for the east coast prior to my diagnosis.  Lucky for me they had a family vacation planned in Aptos that brought them back to California.  That meant a stop to see me!

We have way too much fun together.  Our relationship started out as a working one through Scott a few years ago but as soon as we met we became friends, if not family.  I adore them and their family so much.  The visit consisted of Janet going full medical mode (she is a nurse) on my foobies and checking out the sweet scars, getting up close and personal with the new bra to hold my rock hard foobs, and a whole bunch of laughter.  I just wish the visit could have lasted longer.  Hopefully we are able to get together before they head back to the opposite coast.

Janet and Bevie are always bringing the kids treats from a yummy bakery near their house in California.  This time they had a beautiful cake made in support of breast cancer.  Not only was it the coolest looking cake, it was delicious....my family devoured it in two days...

Chemopause

When you are a woman under 40 that gets cancer a question that is frequently asked during the early stages of diagnosis is, "are you done having children?".  Scotty and I were lucky enough that all our children decided birth control was a speed bump, not a stop sign.  Meaning they came fast and furious, three in kids in just over three years.  We were done relatively quickly in the baby making department and today I thank the Lord for that because there would probably be very little chance of me being able to have anymore kids from here on out. 

One of the potential side effects of the chemo regimen that I am on is to go into early menopause.  Doctors know this and if you are planning to have more children they want to discuss options with you to ensure that more babies can happen after treatment is over.  We are lucky enough to have numerous medical solutions available to help make this happen, think freezing eggs and so forth.  Since we are done having babies I was informed that there was a possibility that chemo could send me into menopause during treatment and it may or may not go away.

Well, I have now entered menopause, which from this point forward will be referred to as CHEMOPAUSE.  In my head if I don't call it menopause it won't actually be menopause, right?!  Since this happened at the start of this second round I have been researching and reaching out to my group of breast cancer women warriors, and what I have found is about 80% of those that get this do eventually return to "normal" (at this point I have no idea what normal is) and the remaining 20% stay in early menopause for the remainder of their life.  Good odds I guess that "it" will all come back some day in the future.  

One idle thought with cancer, especially breast, is if there is a need to remove the remaining girl parts.  Most BRCA cancer girls do need to have these removed which means no chemopause just straight to menopause.  Please know that I am not complaining about the onslaught of side effects that come along with chemopause because for me there is the chance that this is just something to deal with for a few months, not years premature.  Cancer has taught me to find the glass half full in every situation.  Right now, this is it.  So many other young women with breast cancer don't get the chance to sit and wait and see if "it" returns.  Guess I am one of the lucky ones.

  

Round 2

It would have been amazing if each time Chemosabe came to visit the side effects were the same. Well, except for the acne rash, that can stay away and never visit again...ever.  The knowing WHAT is going to happen is comforting to me so off I went last Friday armed with the knowledge of what was yet to come and feeling pretty darn ready for "it"...that was a mistake.  Chemosabe does not want me to become complacent, at least that is what I have been telling myself.  I hope that this is because the more diligent I am in taking care of my body the less chance there is that more cancer will grow or spread.  So, me being prepared for the impending diarrhea to hit and flaming rash on my face was almost laughable as the days progressed after chemo and neither came to visit. 

There was one thing that stayed pretty consistent through both rounds and that is the unbelievable lack of energy.  I fall asleep as soon as my butt hits a chair these days.  Mind you, this isn't a slow falling into sleep, it is an immediate folded over, snoring loud, with drool escaping my lips kind of deep sleep.  Without fail I will be like this for a minimum of two hours at a time.  When I finally do wake up  I am unsure how I ended up falling asleep where I was because I don't remember sitting down there in the first place.  It's weird.  The only other time I can recall being this tired was during pregnancy, but even that level of tiredness was not this intense. 

An unfortunate new side effect that has decided to hang around for the long haul is constipation.  Here I was armed with medicine to prevent the doomsday diarrhea only to have it pull a disappearing act.  Now I am taking medicine to "get things moving" and so far my body has decided to be a stubborn brat.  This has brought on, shall we say, unpleasant cramps.  I would compare them to back labor.  Oh and they never stop.  Also exciting with this side effect is the super full bloated lower stomach.  Again, best comparison would be what I looked like during my first trimester of pregnancy.  Notice a theme here?  This round is like being pregnant and going into labor but so far no freaking baby.  FYI in this analogy that would be finally being able to go poop...

The second new side effect has been the odd effect Chemosabe has on my taste buds.  Most people have heard about the metal taste that comes during the infusion, in typical Alicia fashion I didn't have that.  Instead my sweet complicated little body decided it would be more fun to make everything I attempted to eat after this round taste like cardboard...or rotten.  I will look at whatever it is I am trying to eat; strawberries, salad, scrambled eggs, even a cheese sandwich, and say over and over in my head what it is and that it will taste good only to take a bite and almost immediately vomit from the flavor.  It has been drilled into me that I need to keep my weight during these treatments (my mom and Scott would force feed me if I allowed it) so this side effect has been the hardest one during this go round. I am forcing myself to my eat and that has never, ever been something I thought I would need to do.  Just in case you are wondering I have only lost one pound this round so I am conquering this thing in beast mode...but I really, really do not want to eat. 

The last unusual side effect has been odd muscle, joint, and bone pain.  What makes it odd is that it isn't consistent or in the same location more than once.  I am sure if people watched me stand up from a sitting position they would think I was an old man with my creaking joints, bald head, and stretching once finally upright.  There is a new level of respect I have gained for those that have health complications with arthritis, gout, diabetes, and more that deal with stuff like this on a daily basis.  I know I have said this before in posts but I have been a healthy active woman almost all my life, it is so difficult to absorb the continuous changes that my body is going through.  In my mind I realize that this is one moment in time and (hopefully) once finished with Chemo the side effects will go away for good but between now and then, I won't lie, it is a daunting road.

At this point all I can think is what new exciting side effect round 3 will bring me....

Head Shaving Party

From the moment I told my family about my diagnosis my sister Deni has been ready to throw me a shaving party.  With my kids concerned about me losing my hair I wanted to hold off as long as I could, hence the multiple hair cuts to gradually shorten my hair.  But this past week has made it obvious that the time had come to get rid of it.  With Chemosabe set for Friday we decided to do it the Thursday before.

Deni hadn't told me much about what she had planned except that one of our friends that is a stylist was going to come to do all the shaving.  In my mind it was just going to be a hang out in the back yard, food, drinks, and shaving heads.  I was wrong.  She went all out and had decorated the entire yard.

My nephew, Owen who is 6, decorated this chalkboard for me.  Then my sister did this chalkboard in their back house.

As we waited for everyone to show up after work Deni had a mini pool, water slide, and water balloons with a launcher for the kids to all play in.  They had so much fun!

Deni and I had to do a test run on her backdrop so we selfied it to check it was okay.

James and Lu's family was decked out in the cutest breast cancer shirts for me!  As soon as they walked in I told them I had to get a picture of the boys.

Once everyone showed up and had eaten dinner we headed into the back house to get started on hair cuts.  To make it easier we went youngest to oldest for cuts so Grayson got us started.

Then Owen. He had just got a hair cut on Monday but didn't want to miss out on all the fun so he got a touch up.

Zander didn't go bald but to support me he got his very first hair cut.  Lu even held it together and didn't cry!

Brody couldn't decide if he wanted to cut his hair.  He has a mad love for his chlorine infused, swimmer, water polo player hair.  At first he said he would only cut it if he could sit where no one was able to watch him.

He was pretty upset after he did it because it was so short and felt weird.  I hugged him so tight after as I cried and thanked him for being so brave and doing it for me.  As the night progressed, and into the next day, he has started to embrace it.  The realization set in that he no longer needs to wear a cap during practice!

In typical James fashion he went to the extreme and not only buzzed his head, he took a razor to it!  We were all a little concerned with the amount of enjoyment Anthony was getting rubbing shaving cream on his head...

Ryan was not going to cut his hair so when he got up to do it I was so happy.  In fact I think the highlight of the night was having Brody, Ryan, Scott and my dad cut their hair because all of them did not really want to do it.  For the most part they wanted to eliminate the questions they would get at work.  It is nice to have a cancer free zone in one area of your life.  But in the end they all did it and it meant so much to me.

Scotty has a work trip Monday so he went shorter but kept his little front flip.

After Scott was Tony and he cut his to match his son, Grayson.

Last but not least was my dad.  He didn't want to buzz it because he was afraid he would look like his dad.  I had the same fear about cutting my own hair, so I get it!  But he looked fine and nothing like his dad.

My brother Dave had to go out of town so he came over before he left and had my kids all shave his head.  The kids had so much fun doing it!  I had to get some during shots of his hair cut...

Up next was me.  I was ready but I still cried a little bit.  It is hard accepting all the changes in my life.  To top it off my head hurts from the medicine.  In another post I explained it as pins and needles.  That sensation has gone away and been replaced with a constant bruised feeling on top of my head.  It is okay for the majority of the day but boy, oh boy, when you lay down or touch my scalp it just aches.  Clippers pushing against my scalp was not the most comfortable experience, however, once the hair was all cut off the pain started to subside.  I think removing all the dead hair that was tugging on my hair follicles causing pressure on my scalp relieved the pain.

You can see in the last picture where my hair is already gone in the front.  Since I got another infusion yesterday I am sure the little bit left on top of my head won't be sticking along for that much longer.  Thankfully the shape of my scalp isn't all misshapen that would've been weird.

Lynelle was fantastic.  She is over 6 months pregnant and stood there cutting hair for close to 3 hours with no break.  I'm was over emotional and trying hard not to start sobbing, so ignore my double chin in that picture!

Miranda and I have been friends since 6th grade and even though it took her almost 3 hours to get to Deni's she has been at my side every step of the way.  I am so grateful for her friendship and that we have never let distance or life ruin it.  Misty and I haven't been friends as long as Miranda and I but our friendship is just as strong.  I am blessed to have these two ladies in my life and was so honored that they were with me that night.

Misty's family was all able to come and I love them so much.  Her girls all went and go their hair cut for me today because we ran out of time at the party to get to everyone else that wanted to cut their hair.  

Dave and Margaret have been close family friends and business partners for years with my family.  But this was the first time that we got them to come to one of the Lowry Family Events.  I am hopeful that they will attend more because they we have so much fun with them!  Margaret and I had matching cuts before I shaved it and Dave had his buzzed at his last hair cut so we could be twins.

I can't imagine having to do go through this with one of my children and if I did I am positive I would never be as strong as my parents have been.  There was never a doubt that I have phenomenal parents but I think I love them even more than I thought imaginable.

James and Lu are just crazy!  They always bring a smile to my face because their boys are always smiling, always eating, and always naked!

Ryan had to leave for work before I got a picture with him but I plan to rectify that when I see him next.   Lex has been so great taking the kids for me so that they can go play and have fun.  My kids love getting to go play with her new puppy and drink her mocktail creations each week.

**UPDATE! I got a picture of Ry and I with our sweet haircuts!**

This was my crew that cut their hair, minus Ryan.  I think we all look pretty darn good!

My guys always have my back, even when it takes them out of their comfort zone. 

It is pretty heartwarming to see all my nieces and nephews get into the spirit of things.  Grayson is always asking me if I am okay because I am sick.  It makes me heart hurt to know that they understand something is going on, but then days like this happen, where it is full of fun.  I love these pictures.  The kids all grabbing props and laughing.  One of my most vivid memories.

Of course my sisters and I had to join the fun too!  

I saved these pictures for last.  Deni and Tone have been unbelievable though this entire thing.  If anyone is on a mission to to make having cancer fun it is them.  Deni goes out of her way to keep things light for my kids, as well as the rest of my siblings, and parents.  I know that cancer is harder on the people supporting the person that has cancer than it actually is on the person with it.  Deni is the person that tries to make things easier and I know it is at great emotional cost to do it.

I love my family so much.  How on earth I could make it though this without them is something I will forever be happy to never experience.  Each of my siblings has such unique qualities that make this easier for me.  Alexa with her silly nature and fun creative drinks, songs, and dances that make my kids laugh.  James with his out of control family, loud stories, obsession with video games, singing, and both Lu and him with nerf wars.  John and his family with the long facetime calls that discuss all things BTS and StarWars.  Dave teasing and teaching my kids about dinosaurs.  My parents for having a home that is like Dinseyland to my kids.  And Scott for being everything I need before I even know I need it.

Thank you for the party, all the people that cut their hair with me and the continued support of my family as I continue to battle my way back to healthy.

***UPDATE***

As I got ready to post this I got a bunch of texts from people that had kids that wanted to support my kids and me as well.  Misty and Steven's girls all CHOPPED the heck out of their hair.  I think Kitty and Boo took off close to 6-12 inches.  Then Illy went big and did an A-line cut which was for sure more than 12 inches.

Brody's bud, Nate, came straight home from the swim meet today after making a deal with his parents if he got first he could cut his hair.  Well that was all the motivation this kid needed because he is a racer!  

There are numerous others that have cut hair, dyed hair, and donated hair for me.  I appreciate everyone that has done this.  My heart is so full and I humbled by the amount of love I receive each day from so many people.