Round 5 is in the books

Thankfully my numbers were high enough last Friday to go in for my infusion.  Not going to lie, I was more nervous for that infusion than the first.  My mind would not turn off; all the "what if" questions, specifically, what if this round is worse than all the others because my body had an extra week to heal...I was sweating out of fear, not the chemopause induced hot flashes I am currently suffering from.  

My hair is pretty much gone now (I will try to get a good picture up close of my head for a later post).  The saying, "gray is stubborn," must have came from a patient going through chemo because literally every hair on my body has fallen off but the gray ones.  If you look close you can see a few sticking up in the image of Scotty and I.  Those damn gray hairs are at least three times the length of the few brown stragglers clinging on to my poor scalp for dear life.  People ask me when they see my head why I don't just shave it but I get a sick pleasure seeing how long those stupid gray hairs are going to get.

In the grand scheme of things this round has been pretty similar to the last few.  The only thing that really seems worse is the stomach cramps.  I described the pain to my kids as if someone was taking my insides and putting them through a meat grinder. THE PAIN IS RELENTLESS.  I have tried everything to make it go away and nothing works.  Out of desperation I took extra nausea pills to try to discourage it but that didn't do a thing. 

Monday was really rough.  As I think back I can't even pinpoint when it started but it slowly raveled out of control once I got the kids from school.  My kids were so great.  I told them that I wasn't feeling good and had to go lay down.  All three of them stayed quiet, helped each other with homework, got their own snacks, and then stayed upstairs in the girls room so I could rest.  When I finally woke up, two hours later, the kids helped me make dinner.  I haven't felt that bad since first round.  

Today is exactly one week from round 5 and unfortunately the diarrhea has set in.   Actually I am so much happier to have this side effect than vomiting.  I hate to vomit.  The only thing that is just miserable with this is that I am starving.  Food still continues to taste disgusting and spending extra time in the bathroom makes my body even hungrier.  Those of you wondering I am still gaining weight, insert emoji of mind being blown up.  I do not get it.  

During this week Brody also graduated out of Cub Scouts.  I am so proud of this kid for not slacking on Scouting and a huge thanks to my mom for keeping him on track.  In the mom department I have been MIA since cancer took over my life and she is hands down the best mom and grandma ever.  I could not have gotten through this without her.  She is also Brody's leader in Weblos and created the coolest ceremony and arrow of light award.  

One thing I could do was make a sweet treat for the Brody.  My mom helped me but we whipped up these arrow cupcakes in double chocolate, his favorite.

I should apologize for not posting sooner.  In my pursuit of being honest on this blog I will say that most days I figure there are about 8 people reading this and almost all of them are related to me.  If I feel too tired to update it I rationalize they already know how I am and it's no big deal.  Then two days ago a dear friend came by to visit from Oregon and told me she was concerned this had been a really rough round because I had not updated my blog...oops....I will be more diligent about updating moving forward.  For those of you reading this I appreciate that you take the time to pull it up and are concerned enough about me to want to know how I am doing.  Thank you!