The Real Truth

So my blog about not posting due to the holidays was not totally truthful.  I did step back because I wanted to be with my family more but I was also just emotionally drained and physically felt like poop.  I am finally over the six week mark of the last surgery but between fat grafting and chemo my body was tapped out.  Plus there was too many emotions swirling around in my head that if I had not moved faster in going to the doctor I might not have been here to celebrate this holiday season or  I could be sitting here with a much different outcome.  It is overwhelming to realize how quickly life can change.

Over all I feel super proud of myself for not crying from Thanksgiving through the New Year because I really did feel like that every day.  There were a few days I spent in the shower ugly crying and I am fine with that.  The fact that I am here with Scotty, the kids, and my family is sometimes too much for me to handle.  I ask God too often why cancer has to affect a specific person and not someone else.  It would make so much more sense for this horrific disease to inflict terrible people that need to be off this Earth like rapist, murders, drug dealers.  Why does it have to take good decent people?  I think when I get up to the pearly gates I am going to have the most questions about this than anything else.

We took family pictures and if you look at my face you can see that I am really trying hard not cry.  I get a bit overcome with gratitude to be alive and next to these people.  I am so lucky to have a big a family that truly loves and enjoys each other.  They are marvelous.  If I had infinite funds I would buy a huge plot of land and build a compound so that we could always be together.  In my head this is what heaven would be, me with these people next to me at all times.

This is just my siblings and I.  Thankfully my hair had come back in enough that my scalp was no longer visible.

Here is the original Lowry family before we all got married and filled it up with babies.  I know that everyone thinks their family is the best but I it isn't, mine is.

Of course you need a picture of my sweet little family too.  Man do I love these people.