Round 8

Going to the Oncology Department is a whirlwind of emotions because the patients there are all dealing with some form of chronic disease.  The department straddles the line between hope or fear, the known and unknown,  happiness or depression, and eventually life or death.  Each time you walk through the door you are one side of the line or questioning where you think you should be.  I know I have said over and over again that the only thing I have control over with cancer is my attitude and it is never more true than when you sit down in your infusion chair to get stuck with another hit of chemotherapy.

Each patient is different: a different location that the cancer is located, a different type and stage.  All of this plays into the expected outcome of your prognosis and the types of medicines you will receive.  My time in the infusion chair has only brought me face to face with one other patient that had breast cancer.  I find it ironic with how prevalent the disease is.  She was 62, stage 1, HER2+ and lucky enough to have had a tiny tumor that was removed by a lumpectomy.  That was my second round. Since that round I have met quite a few fellow cancer warriors all battling different types.  The most common seems to be in the colon that metastasizes to the liver or lungs...one of the people I have run into a few times is Josephina.  Her cancer has spread to her lungs.  The first time I  met her she was a ray of sunshine.  She is 72 years old, has the cutest Spanish accent (think Selma Hyack), and is stage 4.

Most often the infusions take a few hours so if you are chatty, which I MIGHT be, you get to know others pretty quickly.  Josephina thought she was going to die immediately.  Yet, here we are 3 years after her diagnosis and she is hanging on.  When we first met months ago she explained she was hoping to get approved for a clinical trial of a new target chemo drug.  This would be similar to what I am know taking, Herceptin, but for the tumors growing in her lungs specifically.  She was very excited about this and was heading to Walnut Creek that next week for testing. Yesterday when I sat down in my infusion chair Josephina was in the opposite one.  I was so excited!  We hadn't seen each other in a few rounds and I was anxious to find out how she was doing with the trial.  Unfortunately I found out she was not eligible for the trial.

Cancer is a fickle beast.  It does its damnedest to take over your body and you do your damnedest to prevent it from being able to spread.  The majority of clinic trials do not want patients that have cancers that have spread, or if they have spread are too close to end of life.  Josephina was in both of those categories so it prevented her for getting accepted.  Her once infectious laughter was gone yesterday.  She was so depressed and I could tell that she had given up.  I sat there and felt like a complete jerk.  I was getting the type of drug cancer patients are all hoping to get.  It reminded me of the movie about Herceptin, Living Proof, when the patients mom is hysterical and begging the doctor to get her daughter back on the trial before she dies.  I don't take for granted that I am lucky to be HER2+, lucky to have Herceptin, not something I thought at the start of this unbelievable journey...as Josephina and I talked I did find out that they had switched her cocktail and it was shrinking her tumors in her lungs.  That was exciting to me and I did my best to get her to realize that but she can't let go of not getting a target therapy medicine.

It is hard sometimes to sit in that infusion chair.  First it was because of the unknown; how was I going to respond, how sick would I be.  Then it was hard because I knew what was going to happen and I just did not want to sit back down.  Now it is hard because I know the people sitting next to me in those chairs and I wonder every time I leave if I will ever see them again.  Yesterday when I left Josephina I gave her a hug and told her to "be strong" and "don't give up", things everyone says to someone with cancer as if we have any control over if or when it will come back to end our lives and it just felt like so little.

My heart just hurts.  Round 8 was hard because of I came to the realization that I may start to lose some of these people that I have come to love.  I don't know why this hit me so hard yesterday after I left. 

This disease is loathsome.  I can say that cancer has infiltrated every aspect of my life and nothing is sacred to it.  That , the way it spreads in and out of the body is why this disease just sucks.  If it doesn't get you, then it gets the people next to you. I'm beyond frustrated.  I told Josephina I would be back in three weeks and I better see her then.  My fingers are crossed she will be there.   

Avon's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer

About a week and a half ago I decided that I wanted to participate in a local breast cancer awareness walk.  The driving force behind this decision was my kids, especially Emmy.  For the past three weeks she has been asking Scott if I am going to die.  Neither him or I know what is causing her to suddenly ask this question when she has never asked it before.  Nevertheless it was obviously something she couldn't get out of her mind.

This is hands down is the worst part of this entire crummy situation.  I remember right after telling Scott they thought it was cancer that I wished we didn't have kids.  My mind was consumed with how this would forever change their childhood and wanting to protect them from it, from me, and not being able to do that.  Knowing that I was the one that was going to be causing them pain...it was and is devastating.  I hoped that by doing the walk my kids might be able to see other women out there alive and thriving.  Deep down I hoped there was going to be a group of young mom's with their kids walking and it would help alleviate some of the fears my three have that aren't always voiced to me.  

So I signed up and decided to create a team.  I call my little family Biedermann Crew (hence the name of the blog) so we stuck with that for the walk.  My kids were pretty excited and opted to do the walk versus the last day of their final swim meet for the extended season.  I put a link up on social media and said join if you want!  By race day we had over 30 people signed up for our team and many more that reached out to me to say they were walking with us in spirit because they were not going to be able to be there.  Below is a picture of our team on the day of the walk.

The picture shows what great support my children have with all the cousins and friends that made it out to walk with me.  This group of kids warm my heart so much.  Each of them was in breast cancer gear from socks and bracelets to dyed pink hair and scarves, it was wonderful to see.   If a picture speaks a thousand words then all that visible support was worth a million.  

My estimate is that there was around 300 people there.  Above is a snapshot of us as the walk started.  Below are pictures I took with my "teammates".  You see and hear the saying all the time after a cancer diagnosis, "NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE".  Man is that true!  It is definitely eye opening to see what people gather round to help you and who doesn't...thankfully my circle is large and at times too supportive!

My youngest sister Alexa and her two kids.  They went straight to church after so they were very fancy for the walk!  Below is my brother Dave, SIL Alli and their baby Carter.  He was born at the exact moment I was told the imagining was showing cancer.  It is a reminder that with every bit of bad news comes good.  He is precious.

This is Rob and Devin Fasani and their sweet family of girls with my cray kids mashed in.  Devin has been such a great friend to have made a few years back when we joined the Ripon Sea Lion swim team.  I treasure her friendship and that friendship our children have created.   Rob and her are such examples of strength both physical, spirit and emotional.

My youngest brother James. SIL Lu and their two boys Zander and Jaxson.   Zander is my fourth kid for sure.  The day I can hold him without needing a break again is going to be the best day!

Next is Janet.  My girl that I only got to know through Scotty's work.  I tell her all the time I wish we had come into each other's lives earlier!  I adore her, her wife, her parents, her boys, damn her whole family with my entire heart.  We anxiously await her arrival back to California every year because life is just better with more Roger and La Belle in it.

Misty.  Oh vey this is the first person outside of my family I told about my diagnosis.  The irony is we would never have met if it weren't for our children.  Best friend Brody ever made because I got this girl in my life.  She is my rock and I don't know what I would have done without her.

Ashi and Sindi Sheth are pretty much my older brother and sister.  They have been members of our family for over 20 years now.  Sindi has type 1 diabetes and couldn't walk with us but they came and parked chairs at the finish line to cheer us home.  Best non-family family members ever!

The Thurmon's: Kris, Tim, Niko, Jacob and Noah have been buds of ours since Reyna was in preschool.  We followed each other to elementary school after that and even got to share a few years having kids in the same class.  Tim was also my girls tball coach for two years.  This family is just FUN.  If you want someone to keep your spirits up, a constant cheerleader, just need a little bit of sunshine, this your family.  I am so glad I didn't lose them when we moved because it would break my heart. 

I guess I don't have a picture of the Navonators and me but I do have one of their family and then one of Kris and I.  We met when Brody and Oliver were just turning 1.  The boys became instant friends and really the rest is history.  Through the boys being in different sports, different schools, and different cities it has not weakened their friendship or ours. 

Then my parents.  It was not easy for them to do the walk but they made it the entire way for me!  

Last of all was my family.

It was a really emotional experience for me.  My feet are still red and swollen.  I am unable to put anything on them.  You can see in the full body shots that I did the entire event in my flip flops because of the foot issues.  Also because of how painful they are I walked at a ridiculously slow pace.  My mom was so worried she borrowed a wheelchair from a friend for me.  I am 37 years old and used to be the pretty damn fit, there was no way I was not going to finish this event on my own two feet.   And I did it.  I might have been hobbling the next few days but it was worth it!

Ultimately I did this to show my kids that we are not alone.  That there are so many people out there that are lifting us up.  This walk also helped to find the fun in this situation.  They had so much being silly with their buddies.  There was so much laughter and dancing that I think I was either smiling or crying the entire time.  

To those that donated to my team, thank you!  To those that walked beside me, thank you!  To those reading this because they are going through something like me hang in there sisters and surround yourself with people as great as the ones I wrote about in this post.  It makes such a big difference.

If you want to donate to my team please use this link Biedermann Crew

Round 7

So I'm a little over a week out of round 7, the round that was without the really hard chemo, and I am a bit of a mess...

It all started out great.  First with only one medicine being infused I should have been there about an hour and opted to go alone from here on out.  As I informed Scott, I am a big girl, a bad ass that is killing cancer, I don't need a man (I am full of shit, I need him something fierce).  However do to a shortage of nurses, and the pharmacy being backed up, I was there closer to two and a half hours.  Totally fine.  Let's be clear I would wait double that to get my medicine. 

From here on out I am getting Herceptin infusions.  This is a target therapy specific to HER2+ breast cancer.  As I have said on here numerous times without this drug being created women with HER2+ cancers were dying from it at every stage.  I want this medicine like a fat kid wants cake.  I also want cake, chocolate cake.  But seriously this medicine is amazing.  There is a good movie called "Living Proof" staring Harry Connick Jr in it as the doctor that created it and the struggles he had to get it developed it.  You can also read a little more about it at this link here for herceptin.

I decided to put both because if you look REAL close you can see a small amount of peach fuzz on my scalp.  Herceptin does not make you lose your hair because it specifically goes in and searches for HER2+ cells versus the other two drugs I was on that just kill everything.  As upsetting as losing my hair was in the beginning I am pretty much fine with it now.  Most days I just rock the bald head.  My kids however are anxiously awaiting the day I have hair again.  I believe in their young minds it will mean I am healed and healthy.

We have been very open and honest about my cancer and treatments with the kids.  I would like to think that this has helped them deal with it as well as they have because they are amazing.  When we talked to them about this next phase of infusions the hair coming back was what got them most excited but all three asked if I was still not going to be able to eat and have to go the bathroom all the time.  I try very hard to be honest with them so I told them that for now we didn't know.  That most likely I would be in the bathroom but hopefully no more mouth sores or weird issues with taste.  When I dropped the kids off at school before my infusion Brody grabbed this StarWars sticker out of his backpack and stuck it on my leg.  He said it was for good luck and that I would have the "force" to not get sick.  I know it is completely silly but I started at that sticker for almost the entire two and a half hours.

So here is the update on how I have been feeling since the infusion!  Honestly it is a bit unsettling to still feel icky after this infusion when nurses, my oncologist and all the reading I have done suggests Herceptin alone is pretty "easy" in comparison to the treatments that just kill everything.  Not that you care to know this but I still have diarrhea.  Actually it comes and goes.  When it goes it is replaced by gut wrenching constipation that makes you long for the diarrhea to come back.  After the diarrhea comes back you wish it hadn't and pray for the constipation.  It is a vicious cycle that I hope comes to an end soon.

Another area I thought might ease up is how lethargic I have been.  So far this is the same.  It is hard to tell if it is from the actual medicine or just my body trying to heal itself.  I really have no idea at this point. 

A new side effect (like my rash that was some what mysterious and less common) is red, swollen , burning, painful toes. 

This is not the best picture and you might have to zoom in, sorry!  A few days ago my big toe started to hurt.  I assumed I was getting a toe infection and contacted my primary care physician.  He prescribed an antibiotic and off I went thinking all would be fine in a day or two.  Fast forward a few days and now all the toes on the left foot look like the big toe and as of today half of the toes on the right foot too.  Obviously this is not an infection so I contacted my oncologist.  She said she needed to see my actual nail so I took off all the polish yesterday and sent her a picture.  Her response was she doesn't know.  There is hand and foot syndrome that is common for cancer patients but typically not when on targeted medicines alone..I feel like any weird side effect that is possible I get.  At this point the antibiotics have done nothing.  I can't put on anything but a flip flop and if even the sheet rubs on my feet I whimper.  Cookie, my 5 pound dog, stepped on them today and I broke down crying.  It is so stupid that this is a side effect I have!  Now I am bald, with rock hard expander fake boobs, limit eyebrows and eyelashes, a bloated stomach thanks to chemopause,  15 extra pounds (we are not even getting into that at this point), severe issues in the bathroom, AND I walk funny on toes that are blood red...I GIVE UP!  Seriously if the Lord wanted to make sure that cancer treatment effected every part of this Earthly body: from my head (bald now) to my toes (burning and in excruciating pain) I can say with 100% certainty that we are there.  Nothing has been missed.  Perhaps from this moment on things will be less miserable????

6 months

One of the saddest things about this whole thing, my getting cancer, is that I found out at the exact moment my nephew was born.  I am sure this is repetitive but each month on my nephew's monthly birthday I am notified of how long it has been since receiving my diagnosis.  It is bittersweet for me but also a great reminder that life goes on and with every moment of intense joy, someone, somewhere, is experiencing the exact opposite.  Why I am bringing this up?  Because on my facebook feed yesterday was an adorable picture of my nephew on his 6 month birthday which means it has been six months since I found out I had cancer.  

My life changed beyond comprehension after those words left the radiologists mouth, I went from being healthy to having a "chronic illness" (that is what they call cancer now, sounds less scarier according to one nurse).  Since then I have undergone 5 mammograms, 7 ultrasounds, 5 surgeries, countless pokes and prods for blood, 3 echocardiograms, 7 expanders fills, 2 allergic reactions, as of yesterday 7 rounds of chemo, and I am not done yet.  Cancer is exhausting.

Between my last round and most recent round I finally got the mouth sores everyone talks about during chemo.  I guess technically I did get one my first round but it went away rather quickly.  Now I know that is because my body had the ability to fight them off.  This time it didn't.  My entire mouth, gums, throat, and tongue had sores on it.  Let me tell you those things HURT.  Best way to describe them is like a canker sore on acid.  Everything hurts them: food, liquid, cold, heat, salt, sugar, you name it.  They prescribe you this stuff called magic mouthwash which is fabulous but only lasts for a short amount of time.   For me it numbed my mouth so intensely that I couldn't stop drooling.  Just one more reason not to leave my house.  

Once those finally cleared up I got this weird blood blister in my mouth. Since Lu (my sister-in-law) is a dental hygienist I sent her a picture.  Freaked me out a bit because I had not bit my mouth.  She explained to me why I probably had it in medical terms but basically it all boils down to my body being too damn weak to take care of itself.  You can also see the lovely scars on my cheeks from that allergic rash I got with my first chemo in this picture.

Another fun thing that I took a picture of the other day was my hand.  About 4 days after my last chemo I hit my hand on something.  It was a completely unremarkable experience.  

Honestly don't know what I hit, how, or when just that it was suddenly there. I put neosporin on it and a bandaid as often as I could thinking it would speed up the healing process since my white blood count and platelets are on hiatus.  Since then it has been this weird wound that won't heal.  Then yesterday it finally turned into a dry-ish scab!  That is almost 3 weeks from when I first got it.  I've decided this means that my body may finally have enough energy to start healing itself (know that my fingers are crossed as I type that).

 

No Bucket List Needed

Today is one of those days were I just feel like blah.  If I am going to be truthful I would say I'm going on day four of blah.  It is hard to put my finger on what is making me feel this way and that in and of itself is beyond frustrating.  Although I am not in the "deep dark place" that Scott always refers to, I just feel sad, and for me that is abnormal. 

If you are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram then you know we took off Saturday and went to the beach.  Scott had a work event up there and I needed a break.  The kids got to get crazy in the hotel pool and spa while I sat outside and watched them.  It wasn't a busy hotel so for the most part we got the pool to ourselves.  However one couple sat down and chatted with me for a good amount of time.  I look like I have cancer with my bald head, spotty eyelashes and eyebrows, and after this last round some random burning on my face so the wife asked me a lot about my "condition".  One of the questions she asked me was if I started a bucket list of things to do and see as soon as I heard the word cancer.  Over the last two weeks this is the third time someone has asked me that.  I think it is part of the reason that I am in this funk.  

Hearing the word cancer stops your heart and when it starts back up again it feels like your running a marathon.  There were dozens of images flashing through my mind after hearing those words but the only thing that ever mattered was my family.  There was never a thought to creating a bucket list of places to go and see because all I could think about was the moments I would miss out on during Scott and our children's lives if the diagnosis was terminal. 

There was a time in my life where my dreams were bigger than the sky but things change as you get older, get married and have children.  Cancer is a mutation of your genes and I think that this is what happened to my dreams too.  They became less grandiose, dare I even say simpler.  I long to see my children grow up.  Each milestone I want to be at: 8th grade graduation, high school graduation, college graduation, weddings, births.  But so much more than just those.  I want to hear about finding a cool rock on the playground, having a loose tooth, and how someone spilled a drink during lunch.  I want to be there for it all.  Plus I want to be next to Scott at our 13th anniversary (next year) and our 25th.  That is my bucket list.  

This past week my kids, Scotty and I have been at each others throats.  No one has been happy and the smallest little thing has set off the kids.  There was way too much unhappiness, yelling, and name calling (between the kids).  As much as I hate that, and I do, it makes me so glad that I am here to be in the middle of it.  Life is not all sunshine and roses, it is messy.  There are so many moments that hurt your heart but there are so many more occasions that make your heart burst with happiness.  Those moments, good and bad, are what I live for.

Our little one day trip to the coast was a much needed reset for my family.  As I sat on the deck of the pool watching my kids play I felt so content as their laughter rolled over me.  It is the simplest thing that sometimes have the biggest impact, like asking someone with cancer about a bucket list.  I am limited in what I can do and because of that I am spending an obscene amount of time on the sidelines of life but it will be worth it when I am better. 

The kids wanted Chinese food so we got an Uber to get take out...first time doing that without Scott.  The kids were certain we were going to get killed because they saw on the news that an Uber driver killed someone...omg it was an adventure.

Me trying hard to hide my appreciation of Brody's manners while he enjoyed the free smores bar the hotel had by the pool.

Snuggled up and watched The Blind Side before bedtime.  Before we headed home we stopped at the Aquarium.  There were to many people there so I spent most of the time sitting outside of the exhibits on benches or even outside looking at the ocean but the kids loved it.  

Every time I asked them to take a picture they would hug each other.  I think the mini vacation was worth it!

Quarantined after Chemosabe 6

Over the past month all I have cared about was my platelet counts.  Were they going to be too low?  What could I do to help them get higher?  Even my last post was about how elated I was that my number was high enough because that meant no fear of needing to postpone chemo again.  But in typical cancer style one thing gets better and something else suddenly gets worse. 

My nurse yesterday was Kathy.  Chemo medicine is not mixed until about an hour or so before your appointment.  Every infusion you get a call to confirm who your nurse will be, if  your blood work has been given the good ahead, and to make sure you are still planning to be there.  When Kathy called she asked if I was the type of patient that looked at her blood work.  This was Kathy and my first time together so she doesn't know that I am a medicine journal junky at this point and should really go back to school to become a nurse.  So I replied yes...duh.  To which she responded then I  had to have noticed how low my neutrophils were.  Which I had but no one had ever been concerned about them, sooooo, I hadn't been concerned about them.  

Neutrophils are white blood cells and they do most of the fighting off of germs.  They are our internal army.  We want our army to be strong.  In order for them to be strong they need to have had time to mature, learn to fight, get educated on how to be effective.  Right now I have two things going wrong.  First, I have very low neutrophils which means what warriors are in my blood are few in number.  Second, the warriors still in my blood are babies and not ready to fight much of anything.  For chemo to be considered safe patients area allowed to receive treatment in an unhealthy range.  Typically this is no lower than 1.5 or 1,500.  In a healthy person they would be double or triple that number.  I am at 1.3 or 1,300 before I went in for chemo yesterday.

Kathy explained that my Oncologist had approved me for chemo yesterday even though it was out of range by a significant amount and she wanted to talk to me about this when I came in for my infusions.   At this point I was still feeling confident that I would be fine.  So off Scotty and I went to get my drugs.  But these nurses are no joke.  When I say they care about their patients, they really care about us.  Kathy went full mama bear and by they time she was done explaining why this was so serious I felt a little sick to my stomach.  Scott was texting my mom the entire time so basically I am going to be put back into the bubble.

Essentially what was explained, in great detail, was that it probably wasn't the best decision to have chemo yesterday.  Starting at 1.3, and that is when I am at my healthiest point since the last treatment, and prior to that chemo I was at a 1.5 (meaning my body is not recovering but becoming more and more worn down and weak) shows that my body is on a downward trend.  Most likely I will get below 1.0 or 0.9.  That level is pretty bad for scary infections or illnesses.  One of the reasons for this is that since my levels are so low the white blood cells don't have enough warriors to send out signals to my body to tell it that it is sick.  Think temperature, redness, puss, pain, etc.  By the time one of them is free to go send out the signal I will be really, really sick. 

So why did my ONC okay chemo right?  My guess is because it is the last one of the medicines that are killing off all of my cells.  After this one the next medicine doesn't kill off my cells in my bone marrow but targets specific HER2+ cancer cells.  Ultimately it will give my body the break it desperately needs to start regenerating its army.  I also think I might have been pushy about not wanting to postpone any more treatments.  It is demoralizing to know that my body can't seem to work harder to be ready in the three week time frame.  This might seem silly but statistically that is what most women are able to do.  I don't want to be special and need more time damn it!  Then I look at other patients that go every week or every other week and think gees their bodies can take it and be ready in half the time as mine!  What the hell!!!  It depresses me and makes me feel so weak.  My brother John told my mom when I had to postpone treatment an extra week for round 5 that I need to stop comparing myself to other patients.  Since my cancer was the most aggressive (highest graded tumors, HER2+, fastest growing) I am not getting a band-aid, I am getting an atomic bomb dropped into my body every three weeks.  It does help me mentally to think of it more like that...but still cancer strips you of so much more than just your physical health.

Next questions is what do I do to prevent myself from getting sick for the next 6 or more weeks (because that is the minimum amount of time Kathy says I should be cautious)?  Stay quarantined.  I call it the bubble which is what Scott and my parents have done from the beginning really.  Stay in doors, stay in my own home, don't use public bathrooms and if I have to bring bleach wipes and my own hand sanitizer, pretty much stay away from everyone and everything.  Sounds crazy but most people don't die from Cancer or AIDS, they die because they have no more white blood cells to fight of another illness they get because the initial disease has weakened their immune system so badly.  Always a nice reality check to hear as you are being pumped with said medicine....

As with every round Scotty was at my side.  He got lucky for this round and we were put into a large private room.  There was 3 large chairs and since we were alone Kathy told Scott he could move to the big chair.  Those are pretty comfy chairs and I was teasing Scott the entire time I gave him minutes before he was going to be asleep.  It took almost two hours because he was working but once I gave him the warm blanket they brought me (it was too much with the persistent hot flashes) he was out!

This man makes me smile so often and so big.  I love him so much and will be forever grateful for him.

Settled

Well, it has taken almost two weeks but Biedermann Crew is officially settled into our new home.  As of yesterday we have tv and internet which are the two most important "things" in a move I guess.  We have found that living without them does make you feel rather disconnected.  Compiled with the lack of technology and media is the frustrating realization that on the side of town we moved to AT&T has the worse cell service in all of the County.  This means my phone also has limited capabilities as well. To say it has been an interesting few weeks in our house is an understatement and that we are overjoyed to be reconnected.  (I will get a few pictures of the house up in another post)

To get up to speed I am doing good.  The second half of round 5 was better than the first half.  I was able to eat a little meat and found a sparkling water that tasted rather decent.  Having been able to eat a little more and keep more fluid in me made a huge difference.  Overall I had more energy and was able to sleep longer stretches of time because the stomach pain had lessened.

In an effort to conserve all my energy into only being focused on my body regenerating itself (if that is even possible) I didn't work out during this round.  It should seem easy enough to not do since the workouts are only about 30 min to an hour but damn it was hard!  I felt more tired than normal and attributed it to the lack of physical exercise.  It does not help that it makes me feel like a sloth too.

Yesterday I had my blood work drawn to see how the numbers look for ROUND 6.  If you don't remember my chemo regiment is 6 rounds of TCH followed by a year of just H.  The TC are the more toxic medicines; hair falls out, destroys the bone marrow, red and white blood cells die off, platelets disappear...it's a long and nasty list that I will be happy to be done with.

Thankfully when I checked my results my platelets were at 136!  That is still below the low range but it is high enough for Chemo today baby!!  I am telling myself that not working out did give my body more energy to stay strong.  No way was I postponing another week.  Not going to happen.  I have this all planned out and there is no way that anything is standing in my way.  I will kick cancers crap no matter how low my platelets get.  Mind you I will be a sight to see; bald, missing eyelashes, and bruised from head to toe.  But who cares, let's do this!