Caps

I have tried to write this post since Saturday but each time I sit down to try ugly tears take over, a bloody nose begins, and I am forced to stop to get myself under control.  A bit of history for those that don't know me, I was a swimmer and in my heart I will always be one.  My kids got the bug a few years ago to start swimming, against my own wishes, and now the rest is history.   Our summers are spent on the deck of a pool and I would not have it any other way.

The rash that overtook my upper body sent me into a bit of a funk.  First it was painful, second it burned, and last it looked horrifying.  I was not in a good space mentally either as my mind kept filtering images of my face with different levels of scars covering it.  It was not the best week of my life.  Then Saturday morning I got this text from Scott...

...and was reminded that my focus was way off.  I may never, ever look the same but who we are inside is so much more important.  It took this to slap me silly and remind me that kindness is what makes us beautiful not the image in the mirror.

Two mom's from the team had got together and ordered custom caps for the relays that my kids were on to wear at the meet.  I want to say it was thoughtful but that word is so small for what they actually did.  Like any good team does in times of crisis, they rallied.  They rallied my children, my kid's friends, the families that are helping hold up my husband and kids at meets without me, our team, Scotty, and me.  The cap is such a small gesture but the number of people wearing them was staggering, hence the ugly crying.  I still can't stop crying typing this now and it is almost a week later.

This is the 7/8 girls medley relay, plus Emmy and her BFF Bailey.  They got first!

Above is Reyna and her 9/10 medley relay, who also got first!  Below is Brody and his buds on the 9/10 medley team.  Like the other two relays they got first as well.

If you have been following this blog you know that from my diagnosis things have moved with exceptionally fast speed.  For me it has been fabulous but it means that there was not a lot of time to tell everyone that I probably should have told.  Numerous parents didn't know that I had cancer.  One mom even came up to Scott and said, "It all makes sense now; she isn't the team photographer, her hair was short when I saw her, and you are always around!"

Life is funny.  Before cancer I would have said I am pretty isolated in my life meaning I don't have strong relationships that I can spend lots of time nurturing.  After my cancer diagnosis I would say that a lot of us probably feel this way as life is busy and when we add kids, a spouse, and a job there is little time for more.  Now I know that every conversation is meaningful, every bit of time shared with others, no matter how long or short it is, is worthwhile and that you really have no idea how much you really matter to others.

My love of swimming and the sheer joy I get out of watching not only my kids swim, but every kid on our team, makes not being at the meets a painful pill to swallow.  It is nice to know that there are so many people not only cheering on my kids but me as well.  For those wondering Ripon won the meet!  I am honored, beyond measure, beyond words for the support that I have received from the people on our team.  I pray there is a day that I am strong enough to give it back tenfold.  To Priscilla and Kathleen, thank you from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul.