About two days after this I got a bruise very similar on the opposite side of my body down my leg. I knew this time that I had not ran into anything since I was attempting to be more cautious as I obviously bruise easier since on chemo. I did try to get a picture but it is in a weird spot and I am not a contortionist.
The new bruises combined with the increase bloody noses was concerning to me so I contacted my doctor. After a consult with my oncologist, and blood work, we knew that this is happening because my platelets are low and I am anemic. Neither are bad enough to postpone my next infusion, number 4 (thank goodness) but if my platelets get much lower we will have postpone my next infusion, round 5. I did blood work yesterday because that is when I am considered my healthiest and my platelets were at 115. If it gets below 70 then we postpone. My numbers started at around 389 before my first infusion 3 months ago to give you a starting point. With each subsequent injection I have gotten lower. Before my last infusion three weeks ago I was 159. It sucks that for this there is nothing that I can do to prevent it or boost my numbers, we just wait and see. As for the anemia it is pretty mild and I am continuing to try to minimize it through diet. So far that seems to be working as my numbers stayed the same instead of the steady decrease that has happened over the past few rounds.
Sadly, the platelet thing isn't a new development for me. If you didn't know me as child you wouldn't know that I grew up with a bleeding disorder. I was factor 7 deficient. We found out when I was 11 due to a minor complication with a blister, that turned into a rather large and painful blood blister. I spent lots of time at the hematologist office and learned that it was rare for a woman to have it, was the only bleeding disorder that had no medicine to correct it, and could potentially go away with the help of hormones or pregnancy. At the age of 11 my mom was not going to start messing around with different hormone treatments on me (thanks mom!) instead opted for a medic alert bracelet and time.
My life was pretty normal except when surgeries were needed. For me standard protocol was fresh frozen plasma injected into my veins or sometimes directly into the incision site to prevent me from bleeding to death. I also am not allowed to donate blood. So for those of you that can know people like me are grateful for you that are able and willing to do it. Lucky for me my hematologist was correct. With each one of my pregnancies my numbers got better and after Emery my bleeding disorder went completely away. I get retested about every three years but so far so good. The female body is scientifically amazing to me. Because God's plan was for it to create life it has the ability to regenerate certain compounds in the blood. Clotting disorders are one of those able to regenerate and a reason why hemophilia and other bleeding disorders are so rare in woman.
I guess we can add this onto the new side effects column for those keeping track. The only other noticeable difference is the level of exhaustion is increasing still. By the time I hit 3 pm I am done. I've explain in other posts it is more tired than pregnancy. It is, but it is a different type of tired. People use the expression, "bone tired" and that is the best way to describe it. My bones literally feel tired. With pregnancy my brain was tired, but my body felt fine. Now it is the opposite. My muscles ache as if I went for a six mile run (please note there has been no running in almost four months) and did not stretch after. My bones hurt almost as if they are tired of trying to support my body, it is a really odd feeling. It is also super frustrating because I am doing everything I can to help alleviate this with healthy food, lots of liquid, and working out (again not running but short HIIT, Pilates, Yoga, etc). Frankly nothing I do is going to remove this from my life until Chemosabe stops, even then, it will be a waiting game to see how I respond to the one medicine needed for the remainder of the year.
When I look in the mirror I think I still look pretty healthy. To clarify, not pretty. I see the dark spots left all over my face from the rash that came in round one and pray will fade...I witness the lack of hair each day that is missing from my head leaving a ghostly white scalp...I notice each eyelash and eyebrow that has disappeared and wonder how soon I will be counting how many are struggling to stay on...I examine each scar on my neck, chest, and breasts and hope they heal a little faster each day. BUT I don't look like what you see cancer patients portrayed in the movies. On the outside I am holding strong, on the inside is where I am slowly declining. That is more frustrating than what is visible in the mirror. If there was a way to make my blood work harder, faster, and some how healthier I would gladly do it, or take it. Feeling weak and having things happen out of my control, like the bruising, is disheartening to say the least.
Still, with all of this being noted I wouldn't change it. As much as I wish I didn't have to go through it I don't pray I never got this disease. For some reason it was meant to be me and it is in God's plan. I hope that means it has spared someone else from getting this disease who might not have the same support as me, the same faith in God, or the ability to stay positive. I do pray that my honesty here, within this blog, might help someone in the world be less scared or apprehensive about the journey they might be starting. If it makes one woman do a self exam or schedule a mammogram it is worth it.
Cancer is just horrible in every stage and in every type. I am indebted to the doctors, researchers, and women that worked diligent and were willing to take part in research studies to understand more specifically HER2+ breast cancer. The treatment might have some nasty side effects but it is also saving my life and for that I will be eternally grateful. For that I will gladly sit down in the infusion chair tomorrow and get injected with medicine that I know will magnify all the bad side effects I already have and bring about some new ones...but I chose to live and this to shall pass.
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